Aloha beautiful humans,
I hope that you all have been having a great month of February and are showing yourselves and one-another some love: we definitely need this during these times.
Today I want to talk about judgments and our feelings towards others in regards to ourselves. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn and honestly I am still learning it as I go. The beauty of life right?! The cycles are always continuing.
I once heard a woman say, “you cannot see something in someone else unless it is within you first.” This was quite hard for me to hear and even alarming. She went on to say that the racism you see, the hate you experience, as well as the love you feel for others, can only be experienced if it is within you first. If it does not exist within you, then you will not experience it in your outer world and relationships.
This is all well and good if these things within us are considered “positive” by our society. However, things like hate and racism are shadows within us that no one wants to accept let alone shine a light on.
I am here to say that in order for us to grow and evolve as a collective species, we humans MUST turn inwards and heal ourselves. We can no longer look outside of ourselves, point fingers, and place the blame on others. This leads to nowhere and is simply a waste of time and energy, not only for you but for the other person or persons involved.
I see all of us as mirrors for another. Life is a school of sorts and we are all here too teach one another certain lessons that will help to transform us into more aligned and loving versions of ourselves. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with you. We are all exactly how we are supposed to be in this moment. In fact, if you want to stay the same, by all means. But if you are sick of consistently being triggered by others and the outside world, then changing your inner world may be just what you need.
So many of us do not want to look at the “dark” or shadowy aspects of ourselves. Our shadows are the parts of us that we cast to the side, or the parts of us that we do not like and so we pretend they don’t exist. We bury them deep within us, locking the door in hopes that they will never escape out the window. But, eventually they do, in more ways than one. When this happens, it can feel as though you are fighting with a sort of “demon” (as I like to call it). You may think to yourself, “what just happened?” or “I didn’t mean for that to occur like it did.” This demon is not an actual demon, but a part of you that has been locked away for far too long. It has built up its energy and when it is finally released, it explodes like a volcano rather than trickling out like a peaceful stream.
This release may be triggered by something outside of you. Most of the time this happens when you are confronted by someone else who may be expressing certain parts of your shadow-self. You do not want to experience this and so you may become angry, annoyed, and hateful towards them, You may judge them harshly, when in reality they are just being themselves.
For example, I used to make fun and judge women on Instagram that were in the spiritual community. I would judge them for their posts about their journeys, the work they were doing, creative projects, etc. I would think to myself, “who do they think they are posting that?” or “they must be so full of themselves”. I actually thought that I despised these women only to find out that this was actually a deep wish inside of me that I chose to ignore and push to the deepest crevices of my being! I so desperately wanted to post about my journey, my offerings, as well as my creativity but was too afraid to do so.
When I saw these other women living out my wish, a part of me that did not want to acknowledge my dream for fear of humiliation, decided to make an enemy out of them. It was difficult to deal with. I always found myself coming back to their profiles and spending my energy on them.
It was only when I decided to finally live out my wish of expressing my true self and my creativity that I was able to accept these women. I realized that I was these women and I admired them rather than despised them. I only thought I disliked them because I was projecting the part of myself that I did not like onto them. This was easier for me to do at the time rather than accept my shadow-self.
I believe that this is something we all experience. We each have shame, guilt, and fear for certain parts of who we are. Whether this be our desires, our feelings, and our wishes. But the more we turn away from our true selves, the more we detach from the love that we have for ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves we cannot love others. We may think that we love others but this is not true and unconditional love. This is usually a love that is attached with conditions and this is not actually love.
The time has come for us all to take responsitiblty for ourselves and our inner worlds. In order to change the world we must first change ourselves. This can be a scary notion for most of us. It is much easier to focus on others and what “we think they should be doing” or “who they should be”. I promise you that if you keep going down this road it will lead you to nowhere.
If you want to live with more spaciousness, alignment, and love you must create these within. Love yourself and love the world.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this longer than expected post haha (sometimes I get passionate). Thank you for showing up for yourself and for loving yourself everyday.
Feel free to comment your thoughts about this post and ways that you love yourself (I’d love to hear them). Also feel free to reach out to me as well with any insights.
If you’d like some guidance on your journey within and/or with cultivating self-love check out one of my many offerings like my Re-Wild Yourself Course as well as my 3-month 1:1 coaching program where we dive in sooooooo deep into what holds you back from your truth and highest self! Click the button below to learn more.
With love and gratitude,
Rylee
