Hi everyone,

Today I am writing about cancel culture. This is something that we are seeing a lot of in our modern world, whether it be with celebrities, brands, shows, or people in our lives. I want to talk about cancel culture and how it relates to our lives on a more personal scale, with people that are close to us.

What is cancel culture? Cancel culture is when we decide to “cancel” people or drop them from our lives because we do not agree with parts of them or things become too “problematic”. This phenomenon has happened in my life and a lot of my relationships and well as with relationships that I have been in; and let me tell you, it does not feel that great from either end. Though it may feel “easier” to cancel people from our lives when the going gets tough, is it actually better for us in the long run? Or are we just running from something deeper within ourselves?

For example, whenever I was in a relationship with someone (whether this be friends, romantic, co-workers, family, etc). and they said or did something that I did not like, instead of actually being open and engaging with them about their views or actions I just decided it would be best to cut them them out. Of course, some people I could not literally cut out of my life, but I did this in more metaphorical ways like labeling them negatively, deciding not to engage with them as much, talking shit about them behind their backs, and seething with anger or disdain over their words/actions. Was this healthy for me and my relationships? Hell no! Did I get anywhere in my relationships? Of course not. Even though I “canceled” someone from my life, another person always showed up later that would repeat the same thing; again the cycle continued.

I wasn't learning the lessons I needed to learn. I wasn’t asking myself questions such as “why does this person irritate me?” or “what do I not like about that specific action?” or “why am I deciding to remove them from my life in the first place?” I never asked myself these questions and I never reflected on them; I just threw the relationship out like trash and felt like trash inside. I realized that I was afraid of confrontation with others and with myself. I was afraid of asking people the hard questions and perhaps finding out that my perspective isn’t the only perspective in the world and that it definitely isn’t right perspective all of the time. I was afraid to find out that the reason I was actually cancelling others was because I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of who I was and how I would be in relation to others.

This was a profound insight for me. But it has stuck with me since and made me realize that our modern world is full of cancel culture. When the road gets tough we want to hop off of it and find comfort on another one. But guess what? You will only find the same uncomfortable feelings. This is because it is in the uncomfortable moments that we grow. It is in these hard conversations that we really do not want to have that we grow not only within ourselves but in relation to others. I feel that we are missing these deep conversations that can help to transform who we think we are in this world and who we are to become. This is what makes our connection to one another stronger. Even if the relationship crumbles and ends you will learn something about yourself and the other in the process. This is so important for our growth. Dropping people like flies will not get you anywhere, only to the exact place you were before.

I also get that there are some people that you do need to cut out of your life for various reasons. All situations are different and you have to make the decision about what is best for you at all times. Some relationships are worth saving instead of canceling. Talking about issues that arise within the relationship is healthy and a mature way to handle differences. Having an open mind and listening with an open heart is also an important component to honest conversations. Remember that we are all different and that we all have different experiences from which we view our world from.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment or message me!

Rylee